And then, upon the preordained time at the Circle of Stone, ye will be visited unto by measurement, and, your weighs found to be in surplus and your means of wellness proven lackluster, will know the doom of the Daemon Beetus, which will onto thy humors attach and lash you with frailty until thy sweet release is found only in the warm blanket of Death.
NOT TODAY, ANCIENT PROPHECY. GET F*****K’D!
Fat Nerd to Chic Geek, Round 2: The Skinnying! It’s Happening!
We, heretofore and for all times stretching into eternity referring to my lovely and charming wife, Katherine, and my self, just finished celebrating her 28th birthday. Part of my gift to her and selfishly to myself is to start taking my weight and my health way more seriously. Which is how we find ourselves here. And I cannot believe it to be real, but the last most consistent posting to this blogospace was a full and true four years ago. At that time, I was writing a series of article posts called Fat Nerd to Chic Geek. They chronicled my adventures and efforts to no longer be such a grossly overweight man-pudding and to be something more in line with a healthy male member of the species homo sapiens. Unless I get dat X-gene dough, for that homo superior goodness.
That was a really successful effort. I went from 250 pounds to 198 at my absolute lowest. I chronicled my efforts and felt good about them. It was easy to get started and get going because of how few requirements life had for me – no job, no place, no social life, no significant other. With none of that going, it seemed inexcusable to also have such little sense of self-worth that I couldn’t be bothered to keep my body healthy.
But now we’re four years later. And you know, it took four years and a lot of pain and suffering, to do it, but I’ve managed to find all those pounds I’d previously lost. I found them and I found 38 more.
As of today, the first day of Fat Nerd to Chic Geek Round 2, I am cataloging my failing here, not as a bleak condemnation upon myself but as a moment in time for a point of datum (that’s the singular form of data, son). I weigh 288 pounds. Which is more or less 20 stone, and the fact that one must measure their weight in stone in order for it to capture enough of force of terror is significant.
It is also the very first day of Fat Nerd to Chic Geek Round 2: The Skinnying! It’s Happening!! Yes, that’s the full and formal title. I am currently divesting myself of all consumption of soda, I had my last one, a zero-calorie aspertame laden affair just two hours ago and now I banish that demon from my mind and my heart. I am saying no to high fructose corn syrup. I am rejecting my bad habits borne of expedience and ease and now embrace health as a lifestyle decision meant not just to make me feel better but to prolong my life.
So! Here it is. Week 0-1, a promise and a beginning. This time I’ve got a job, a house, a commute, a wife, two cats, and a dog. Because beyond wanting to be better at life, I’ve got too much to live for to kill myself a little more every day.
As one might have said in a 90s action flick, this time? It’s personal.