Fat Nerd to Chic Geek Round 3 – Week 1

Week One is about to wrap up (again) here on Wednesday. I had a perilously fraught time getting started with this; my plan (which is to say, the plan created for me by my trainer) got lost somewhere on the tubes of the interwebs. Which, like, has always been kind of a joke we (nerds) make about people who don’t understand the internet, but recent Congressional Hearings have proven… like they super don’t get it.

There aren’t “tubes,” folks. I mean, there are, but it’s not like there’s  a stream of liquid data that nefarious parties are tapping into.

Yuck. I must be dieting. That sounded almost appetizing.

I should note, so I shall, that this round of weight loss is way more aggressive than the last one. Possibly due to my much scarier weight (of which near as makes no different 4 pounds is already gone. Take that, water weight), possibly due to the rapidly advancing deterioration of my physical husk (f@#$ you, 30s), possibly due to the fact that my long-term goals are a little nuttier this time. I’m eating six times a day, some variant of gruel composed of oatmeal and protein or just protein powder. Katherine’s been using this all plant kind? Shit seems biblically bad. It smells like a decaying back yard, and believe me, I have some familiarity with that.

Speaking of biblical, one of the prescribed foods is a thing called Ezekiel Bread, which more or less references a biblical recipe for bread. Specifically, Zeke’s 4th, Verse the 9th. But they craft this into tortillas (of a notion) as well. A concept I dubbed a “Zekirito.”

Katherine was underwhelmed. But liked it, because I am both a smart and clever boy.