Fat Nerd to Chic Geek Round 3 – Week 1

Week One is about to wrap up (again) here on Wednesday. I had a perilously fraught time getting started with this; my plan (which is to say, the plan created for me by my trainer) got lost somewhere on the tubes of the interwebs. Which, like, has always been kind of a joke we (nerds) make about people who don’t understand the internet, but recent Congressional Hearings have proven… like they super don’t get it.

There aren’t “tubes,” folks. I mean, there are, but it’s not like there’s  a stream of liquid data that nefarious parties are tapping into.

Yuck. I must be dieting. That sounded almost appetizing.

I should note, so I shall, that this round of weight loss is way more aggressive than the last one. Possibly due to my much scarier weight (of which near as makes no different 4 pounds is already gone. Take that, water weight), possibly due to the rapidly advancing deterioration of my physical husk (f@#$ you, 30s), possibly due to the fact that my long-term goals are a little nuttier this time. I’m eating six times a day, some variant of gruel composed of oatmeal and protein or just protein powder. Katherine’s been using this all plant kind? Shit seems biblically bad. It smells like a decaying back yard, and believe me, I have some familiarity with that.

Speaking of biblical, one of the prescribed foods is a thing called Ezekiel Bread, which more or less references a biblical recipe for bread. Specifically, Zeke’s 4th, Verse the 9th. But they craft this into tortillas (of a notion) as well. A concept I dubbed a “Zekirito.”

Katherine was underwhelmed. But liked it, because I am both a smart and clever boy.

Fat Nerd to Chic Geek, Round 3 | Week 0

I am back in the rat race. Or the fat race. Or the… race.. to.. not.. hey look, this is my bloargh, so I don’t need to cop to your metaprhoical rules, man. 

I’ve faced and tackled a few things since last we spoke. I’m in therapy now for depression and taking anti depressants. I’m working through some crap that’s happened to me in my real life that, I’m learning, isn’t exceptional in any way, and I’m refocusing on what matters: my life, my loves, and my health.

So let’s start at the tail end there. I’m at a terrifying 281 lbs. I’ve never been this heavy, never been this tired, and never been this scared. I have more than 140 lbs to lose in my long term journey, which I believe I can achieve, but for now, the first goal is to drop 30 lbs in 8 weeks. That’s a rough average of 4 lbs per week, which is aggressive but not impossible.

Toward that end, tentative schedule to which to hold myself:

Wednesday – 30 minutes cardio
Thursday – Break, due to Puppy Medical Appointments.
Friday – 30 minutes cardio
Saturday – Weight Training
Sunday – 30 minutes cardio

My goal is to get 30 minutes of cardio in 4 days a week and do weight training at least twice by the end of Week 1. This is Week 0.
– Week 2, I want to increase my cardio intensity.
– Week 3, the goal is to weight train 3 times  a week.
– Week 4, maintain week 3.

At Week 5, I expect to increase my cardio duration. The other piece of this is that I’m going to do it like 80% meat free. I’m using recipes from a book called the No Meat Athlete, because my wife is a vegetarian, and we’re reinforcing each other’s goals. I expect I’ll still eat meat at meals out on the town, but going meatless will be a big part of it. So my Weekly roundups will also include a food report. So this is like… a food blog now? Ew. I feel dirty.